Bah Humbug - TV Scrooges, Curmudgeons and Cranks

Frank Barone, 'Everybody Loves Raymond'

Played By: Peter Boyle
Scrooge Style: Frank's sarcastic, rude and crude (consider his motto: "Holy crap!"), especially toward wife Marie.
Crabby Quote: "I tried nice once. Didn't care for it."

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Gregory House, 'House'

Played By: Hugh Laurie
Scrooge Style: If you had chronic pain in your leg, you might be a little cranky, too. But House takes it one step further with his acerbic wit and coldly efficient bedside manner.
Crabby Quote: "Humanity is overrated."

Chloe O'Brian, '24'

Played By: Mary Lynn Rajskub
Scrooge Style: Chloe's permanent facial expression is a scowl. Try talking to her and you're likely to get your head bitten off -- unless you're superagent Jack Bauer.
Crabby Quote: "OK, when the alert level goes down, and the terrorists have been caught, we can have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets."

Perry Cox, 'Scrubs'

Played By: John C. McGinley
Scrooge Style: There's nothing more the bitter Dr. Cox loves to do than put down adorable hero J.D.
Crabby Quote: "Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out."

Simon Cowell, 'American Idol'

Scrooge Style: Simon always says what he thinks -- even if it's rude, mean and degrading. Consider how he said the plus-size Mandisa would need a bigger stage last season.
Crabby Quote: "Did you really believe you could become the 'American Idol'? Well, then, you're deaf."

Miranda Bailey, 'Grey's Anatomy'

Played By: Chandra Wilson
Scrooge Style: Bailey's so tough, they call her "the Nazi." When her intern Christina Yang admitted helping her boyfriend, Dr. Burke, cover up his hand tremor, Bailey advocated for a tough punishment.
Crabby Quote: "Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change."

Ari Gold, 'Entourage'

Played By: Jeremy Piven
Scrooge Style: The money-grubbin', power-hungry agent routinely abuses assistant Lloyd and has driven off his star client, Vincent Chase.
Crabby Quote: "You look like Michelle Kwan in drag. Now do a triple f---ing axle over the desk and get Cameron on the phone."

Sebastian Stark, 'Shark'

Played By: James Woods
Scrooge Style: Shark started out as a cutthroat defense attorney who cleared rich criminals. Now, he's a cutthroat prosecutor who's as concerned about his reputation as, you know, helping victims.
Crabby Quote: "I've heard all the whining, okay? What I haven't heard are results. And until I hear 'em, I'm just talking to a well-connected joke in an Armani suit."

Luke Danes, 'Gilmore Girls'

Played By: Scott Patterson
Scrooge Style: Gruff, no-nonsense Luke is the veritable grinch of quirky Stars Hollow.
Crabby Quote: "Crazy people. Whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping pong tables and hand puppets."

Wilhelmina Slater, 'Ugly Betty'

Played By: Vanessa Williams
Scrooge Style: The diva fashionista is scheming with a mysterious woman to take over Mode magazine. If she has to stomp on her assistant, Betty, Daniel and anyone else to do it, so be it.
Crabby Quote: "Marc! That is the absolute cruelest thing I've ever seen! Someone's getting a raise."

Sawyer, 'Lost'

Played By: Josh Holloway
Scrooge Style: Sawyer's a rebel, born and bred. If someone tries to take charge, he'll oppose him. On the island, he's hoarded supplies, stolen the gun cache and refused to share information.
Crabby Quote: "I'm not a good person, Charlie. Never did a good thing in my life."

Gordon Ramsay, 'Hell's Kitchen'

Scrooge Style: There isn't an expletive this fiery chef doesn't like. Ramsay's underlings are just roadkill in his relentless drive for perfection.
Crabby Quote: "I'll get you more pumpkin and I'll ram it right up your
f---ing ass. Would you like it whole or diced?"

Temperance Brennan, 'Bones'

Played By: Emily Deschanel
Scrooge Style: Brennan must be a long-lost cousin of Chloe O'Brian from '24.' She, too, wears a permanent scowl. And, in a major affront to us, knows nothing about popular culture.
Crabby Quote: "My most meaningful relationships are with dead people."

Col. Saul Tigh, 'Battlestar Galactica'

Played By: Michael Hogan
Scrooge Style: He's a mean, ornery alcoholic who killed his own wife because she was a traitor.
Crabby Quote: "If the crew doesn't hate the XO, then he's not doing his job."

Jack Rudolph, 'Studio 60'

Played By: Steven Weber
Scrooge Style: As the ambitious chairman of the National Broadcasting System, Rudolph has his eye on the top corporate job. But if maverick NBS president Jordan McDeere continues to cause problems, he may just have to fire her.
Crabby Quote: "Thieves get rich, and saints get shot, and God don't answer prayers a lot."